Flow

today was the first real day of classes, first time seeing everyone, first softball meeting, first day of tears! yikes :( and for the first time, i kinda felt like it was the first day of a high school year, lol i picked out what i was going to wear! and hugged everyone when i saw them! lol GHS! idk but anyways, today i told the team that i am no longer playing softball… that was, well exactly what i thought it would be - horrible, sad, and i was a wreck “/ blah i choked spitting it out.  I hate surprises and i know a lot of the girls didn’t see it coming at all, but boy did i choke on the second sentence, but it wasn’t a goodbye…

you ever love someone so much, and not want to ever leave them, and not know what your life would be like without them, but you know it is for the best of you to go your separate ways… well, that is my team and softball, it is my life, it is my drug, my escape.  It is the only time where i can be someplace and not worry or think about any other thing… The world could be collapsing around me, but being in that gym at practice, or on the diamond at a game… it silences everything in the outside world —- and all i can hear is the sound of the ball and my team…

and for my whole life, i’ve made decisions for other people, and never really concentrated on what is best for me… and right now i needed to not play, i needed it for myself, so that i can do certain things in my life at the moment and next year that will make me happier… and i will always look back on this decision and say, yeah i missed out on some great memories that were shared in the gym and on the dirt, but i also gained other things that i wouldn’t have gained if i was playing softball… 

i had a great life with softball, played since i was a tiny thing, moved on to rec ball, tournament ball and high school ball and finally, the best of them all, John Jay Softball… i woke up early on Saturdays to travel several hours to tournaments where i baked in the sun playing the sport i love… my mom packed the coolers with drinks, sandwiches and snacks for the long hours in between games, i played almost every position on the field, caught billions of balls and probably missed millions haha… but i had the best memories, i’ll continue to play on outside leagues and summer leagues, not hanging my cleats up for good :) noooo way

oh and class was great, i’ma kick ass this semester, i can tell :) 6 classes… 6 A’s!

goodnight - xoxo gossip girl oops i mean cassie